THE FOURTHish

I feel like it has been awhile since I have written more than two sentences on here, even longer has it been that I'm sharing something I've been chewing on. It's a little of this and a little of that.
It was my fourth FOURTH of July with Jeffrey. Each year we've been together doing a mixture of waking up, grilling, watching fireworks, & shooting off fireworks. So yesterday was a pretty typical fourth but with more family, more memories. And I FINALLY made these shorts^^. I've been thinking about them forEVER. Putting thoughts into action, folks.

So far this summer I have had a terrible relationship with my camera. I pick her up every once in a while. I snap a few photos. I set her down, and pick her up a week later. THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO LIVE. Photography is my passion. The one thing I have to show for my hours of time spent dreaming of mastering a camera. It's really the reason this blog exists. In between the short stories and quick updates and the little DIYs I love sharing snippets of life. It makes me better. It documents my life. It helps me share with humans who I would otherwise never get to share with. So when I'm not picking up my camera, this place barely has a purpose. And that causes an extreme anxiety in me because I'm letting two things I really love slip between the cracks of working most of the week and spending time preparing to get out of here. And I feel like I'm here a lot. And I don't want to be, and I need a change. I need my creativity to take the wheel again and let everything else fall behind. I mean I have exciting things going on right now. I could be sharing between breaths. I'm having thoughts on top of thoughts lately. I could be sharing those too. I need to be sharing thoughts about how the GOD DAMN DIRECTION OF MY BLOG still stresses me out. (Why! Why is that an issue! It's like a blogger-created anxiety that doesn't really exist.)

This post isn't about that, though. It's just about talking about the lack of that and the lack of everything and sharing that hey guys, I'm about to be an "art student" and it's freaking me out everyday to the point that I am scared of even doing anything creative because I will tell myself how much it sucks. It's a battle between to parts of me- one that is dying to get my hands doing something, and the other that would really rather work or run from the issue. Because what if nothing is there? What If I put my pen to my pad and all I can doodle are naked women. And fruits and stick figures. I have SO MUCH I want to accomplish. A stack of books sits in my corner waiting. Sewing projects pile up to my right. Fresh journal and sketchpads are staring me in the face and all I do is avoid it all.
I guess I'm on a journey to figure out how to just DO. Finding motivation, purpose. It's one of those self-anxiety things that shouldn't exist, but I'm making it. I will fall into my groove. I just have to find it first. So that's where I am lately and my brain isn't always on this self-destructive slur of thoughts. It comes and goes in little waves as I choose television over a book.
BUT. Fourth of July was a great break and I snapped a very few photos of the people that made it that way. So to wrap this serious rant up, I will share.



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shop update!

Guys, I got on top of some to-dos yesterday and added a lot of new items to the shop. YES! Success. I'm letting go of some of my very favorite items that sit in my closet because, as my mother says, I need to "Let someone else have a turn". So I personify my clothing and imagine that it is sad in my closet. And now it needs a home. All of it.
If you ever had your eye on this dress, the time has come to add it to your collection. She needs a dance to go to, or a wedding to attend, or any other excuse you have to pull her out.
Go check it out!!

lady longboard

When I get really good that's what I'm going to call myself (Although it was so easy to come up with I'm sure there are actually Lady Longboard's out there.) After many day dreams with myself cruising easily down hills on a longboard I decided buy the board of my dreams. I can credit all of my curiosity and interest to Tomboy Style (Specifically posts like this, THIS) A little reading from Buenobueno, and this Meekakitty video. Soak all of that up and try to tell me that you don't want to ride yourself. Right now it doesn't really look that graceful, and it may not be as fun yet because I'm learning solo, but it will. And I will learn that going down a driveway isn't that scary. I have already learned that skating in a dress is no bueno (yes I had to learn that). I had a hole reveal my butt cheek just before these photos.

If you're in love like I am, treat yo'self.
Board: $122 on Amazon
Pads: $11 @ Walmarts



photos by Jeff.

living room simulation

I've spent what feels like the last month shopping for apartment items... wait. Have I even shared that we found an apartment?! This is a pretty anticlimactic way to spill the beans. But we did! It's great! We have an awesome open park right in front of our SCREENED IN PORCH. And two bedrooms. I spend my days designing it all in my head.
Yesterday we found this beautiful couch in the last place we thought to look (I hate that expression. Duh.) for a great price (Thank you Cathy!). I am more than glad the hunt for a couch is over. We found a few dark stains on the upholstery, anyone have any tips on getting them out?